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Archive for April, 2009

“I Got You”

I love this song. I think for the first time in my life these lyrics are true for me. Cheesy? Yes, but oh well. 🙂

“I Got You” (By Nick Carter)

People tell me, you stay where you belong
But all my life I’ve tried
To prove them wrong
They say I’m looking for
Something that can’t be found
They say I’m missing out
If my feet don’t touch the ground

But there are moments
When you can’t deny what’s true
Just an ordinary day
Like when I met you

It’s funny how life can take new meaning
You came and changed what I believe in
The world on the outside is trying to pull me in
But they can’t touch me
‘Cause I got you
I got you, oh yeah

I want to thank you
For all of the things you’ve done
And most for choosing me
To be the one

It’s funny how life can take new meaning
You came and changed what I believe in
The world on the outside is trying to pull me in
But they can’t touch me
‘Cause I got you

And it hits me when I reach for you
That I’m afraid you won’t be there
Maybe I am in too deep
But I don’t care

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I had pretty much the perfect sunday yesterday. Sleeping in, Starbucks, dinner with David’s family, baseball in the sun, and then a movie. It’s sort of what Sundays were made for, I think. It was such a relaxing day…the kind of day that everyone needs once in awhile. It was a lot of fun to see him play baseball too, finally. After hearing his mom describe how good he is, it was good to finally see for myself. And what can I say? I was impressed. 😉 I had fun talking to his little sister (she’s 10, and QUITE a character….I think she has to be with two older brothers). She always has plenty to say, and what can I say….I love kids. Lol. She’s a smart little thing.

That brings me to another sidenote. It’s kind of nice to be around a FAMILY. I have a family, yes, but it’s fractured and somewhat incomplete. If that makes any sort of sense. His parents are still married….to EACH OTHER (a huge feat in this day and age) and it’s nice to experience the family unit, even if it’s not my own family. It feels complete….everyone spending time together on a Sunday. I like to just sit and listen….something I used to do with my own family….and just enjoy the feel of everyone being together. That sounds weird, but I don’t know how to describe it. Of course as I get more comfortable with them I’m sure they won’t be able to shut me up. I’m so thankful that they let me be a part of their sunday dinners. I’m sure they don’t know how much it means to me. 🙂

Now it’s monday and therefore time again to be serious about his job search thing….unpleasant though it is. I’ve kind of decided on the nanny route as I’ve mentioned before, but we will see how that goes. I’m pretty much open to anything at this point. It would be awesome to do that for work, especially while I’m in school.

That leads me to my next exciting point….I’m going back to school in the fall….for Early Childhood Education. I’ve decided that’s what I would actually ENJOY the most and I’m sick of working jobs I hate. Work is what we spend most of our time doing….it’s important to enjoy whatever it IS that we’re doing! Does that sort of work pay well? No, of course not. But honestly, money matters little to me. I’ve never made a ton of money so I really don’t know any other way. I am an expert bargain hunter and I kind of enjoy it. I kind of like that I have to work so hard….it makes me appreciate the things I DO have. That’s not to say I wouldn’t appreciate a few things….like a better car for example, but still not an extravagant one. Something responsible that isn’t going to cost me a ton of money.

I’ve been neglecting my cell phone lately….on purpose. I kind of like not being accessible to anyone and everyone 24 hours a day. Some people can’t live without their cell phones….and I have nothing against them….I am just not one of those people. I am SOMETIMES….I mean, take my phone away from me and suddenly I’ll hate that I don’t have the option for communication, but I am hardly addicted. I guess I figure that the people I’m actually spending time with in PERSON deserve my full attention. It’s been freeing to not constantly be looking at the phone. I’m much less stressed and more relaxed. The only thing I really use it for these days is job related stuff. I started on this “no phone” idea unintentionally. A guy I used to hangout with was harassing me and wouldn’t leave me alone (I was considering going into T-Mobile and either having him blocked or changing my number….it was that bad) so I just ignored my phone. I realized I kind of LIKED not having to worry about it. It sort of makes me wish for the simpler days….when there weren’t a million different ways to get a hold of someone 24 hours a day….the need to constantly be doing SOMETHING. I feel like everything is so fast paced, that no one really takes the time to relax and enjoy the people and things around them. I feel sometimes like I should have lived in an earlier time.

This is a somewhat random post….kind of all over the place. I guess that happens though when a person just has too many thoughts going on inside their head. 🙂 The future might be a bit uncertain, but I’m actually excited to see where it takes me. Some things I’m sure of.

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The Good House

**I found this draft that I apparently never published when I wrote it back in July. I’m not sure why I didn’t publish it then. It describes a little bit about my childhood.**

I always say I feel like I don’t have a family anymore. Ever since my dad left, I feel like I don’t belong. It’s the weirdest feeling. I had a pretty picture-perfect childhood, I don’t have many complaints. At 22 to have your family become completely different, is very strange. My mom and I are very different. I always got along better with my dad. I tend to feel like it’s my mom and sisters against me. I don’t fit anymore. And my dad isn’t the dad I had my whole life, so I don’t fit there either. My parents’ divorce has caused repercussions with the relatives too. It’s a big giant mess, in my opinion. Add that to the fact that Dawn Marie and Michael (my aunt and uncle) live in SPAIN, Danny and Denise (another uncle and aunt) live in Idaho….there’s not a whole lot of family around. It’s sad. And sometimes I wish it could all go back to how it used to be. That I could have a normal, funtional family.Is my family dysfunctional? Absolutely. I’ve always known that, I think. But regardless of that, they’re the family I was given, for whatever reason. Apparently I am suppossed to learn something from all of this. And you know what? All families have their issues. It’s how you handle those things that counts. I could just keep perpetuating the dysfunction, but I don’t want to do that. I had a dream last night that my parents got back together. I have those every once in awhile. I think everyone, no matter how old, who has divorced parents, subconsciously dreams of that every once in awhile. Obviously the chances of that happening are slim, if not impossible. My dad is remarried. And my parents still can’t even be civil to each other. Until I was in fourth grade, we lived in Marysville. We had a blue house on a quiet street. There was a tree in the backyard we used to love to climb. My best friend in the whole world lived right behind us. Life was picture perfect and worry-free. My sister Lindsey (Kelsey wasn’t born yet) and I refer to that house as the “good house”. Those are the memories I cherish the most. That’s where we both remember being totally happy. That’s where we had the childhood most only dream of. Once we moved, things got a little rougher. There were a lot of not so good times in the Lake Stevens house. There was a lot of fighting, a lot of yelling, and of course that’s where it all fell apart. It never felt like home in quite the same way the Marysville house did.Bottom line. I miss my happy childhood. And my old family. And I wish we could get the good days back.

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It’s beautiful out today which is always cause for celebration in this normally rainy and grey city called Seattle. I am sitting in my favorite coffee shop, in my favorite city, with my favorite boyfriend (okay my ONLY boyfriend…it would be weird if I had more than one, but you get the point). As I sit here writing (one of my favorite things to do), blue sky outside the window, sipping my coffee, and seeing his cute dimpled smile across from me, I can’t really complain about my day, now can I? 🙂

If you haven’t experienced a perfect, sunny Seattle day….you really need to. It’s already an amazing city. Add sunshine to that and it’s breathtaking…the water, the mountains in the distance, the green. I’ve never been anywhere like it.

I’ve just applied for yet more jobs….both office jobs and nanny jobs. I’m pretty much open to anything at this point. It’s hard not to give up….but giving up really isn’t an option…at least for me. Somewhere I find the strength to keep going and I just keep telling myself that it will work out….that it HAS to work out eventually. And I know it will. I just need to learn to be patient…which, let’s face it, anyone who knows me knows I need to learn that lesson. 🙂 When I finally DO get a job, I will definitely not take it for granted! I’m pretty sure I will appreciate it far more than I have any other job I’ve ever had. Maybe THAT’S what I’m supposed to get from all this.

Okay, I’m going to go check my email. Maybe I will have some job correspondence. You never know. 🙂 On a day like this, anything seems possible.

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My Sweetie Pie

It’s the middle of the night and I just can’t sleep. So what better to do in the middle of the night than write a blog? 🙂

The title of my blog is: “Life. Unexpected.” I picked that title because if I know ONE thing for sure about life it’s that you just never know what’s going to happen. I had no idea how true that statement was going to become for me. I feel like I’ve been all about the cheesy posts lately, but hey, I’m happy and want to talk about it. 🙂 I had NO idea a few weeks ago that I was going to get back in touch with a guy I went to high school with. If you had told me then that I was not only going to get back in touch with him (after 8 years!!!!!), but that I was going to fall in love with him….I would have laughed. Because, my friends, things like that don’t happen for me. I’ve been screwed over so many times in the past couple years, and had so many letdowns, I’m not used to things actually going RIGHT. I’ve heard the saying: “It’ll happen when you least expect it,” and I always scoffed at it. Well, the joke’s on me, because that’s exactly what happened. A totally amazing man came into my life when I absolutely, positively did not expect it, and he stole my heart. Cheesy? Yes. But that’s one of the things we have in common. He is, honestly, the most amazing man I have ever met. He adores his family (especially his little ten year old sister), is generous to a fault, he treats me like a princess, he’s honest, a REALLY hard worker, and he would pretty much do anything for anyone he cares about….I could go on and on about him all day, but those are the basics. 🙂 And did I mention he’s ADORABLE? He has DIMPLES folks! And to think he was right under my nose all through middle school and high school. 🙂

Our yearbook pictures, our senior year(2001).
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Here also is pictoral proof of the dimples. 🙂
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David feels things very deeply, is hard on himself, and doesn’t do anything half-heartedly. I can relate because, well, I’m the same way. He has the biggest heart. It’s one of the things I love the most about him. I have such a strong desire to protect him….not physically necessarily (let’s face it, I lack brute strength!) but I want to protect his heart. I don’t want him to hurt. I want to look out for him, to take care of him….from the little things like doing his laundry or doing the dishes to the big things like holding him when he cries and listening to him talk about the things that are important to him, that he’s stressed about, or that have hurt him. I want to know everything there is to know about him and I want to experience everything I possibly can with him. He deserves the very, very best and that’s what I want for him. I want him to be happy. And the totally amazing thing?! He feels the same way about me!

I thought I was in love once. I wasn’t. THIS is love. And it’s the best feeling in the world. To be able to fall in love with someone who truly wants the best for me and who treats me the way I’ve always dreamed of being treated is absolutely amazing….and so VERY unexpected. 🙂

I just want to squeeze him! (And I DO….often.) I’m a really blessed (and happy!) girl. 🙂
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I’ve been reading a book called “Hackers & Painters”. It’s written by a computer hacker. And, well, since I’m dating a programmer, I figured I needed to learn a little more about him. To my surprise though, I love the book and I’m learning things too. And, yes, I understand him a little better.

One of the chapters (titled: What You Can’t Say) has been my favorite so far. It talks about how it’s so important to question everything and not just to see everything in black and white. That sometimes it’s good to push the boundaries. My favorite line? “Argue with idiots and you become an idiot.” Let’s face it, that’s SO true. How many times do we find ourselves in a debate with someone who insists on doing everything the “right” way. I come from a family who thinks in black in white. Drinking alcohol is bad, no exceptions. Sex outside of marriage is bad-case closed. Swearing or cussing is never permitted. And being judgmental seems to come with the package. I, for some reason, seem to be able to think outside of the box. I tend to not see in black and white, but in shades of grey as well. I don’t think everything is as cut and dried and black and white as people like to think. I’ve had people tell me on more than one occasion: “You’re way more open minded than I thought you would be.” Because of how I was raised (and how my family is) people expect me to judge. But for some reason, I don’t. It feels strangely liberating to be able to question things. I love a healthy debate. I’ve always been able to hear other people’s arguments and points of view….I think that makes life more interesting. I respect that people aren’t always going to agree with me….in fact, I’m glad! I want people to know that they can always talk to me about anything and I’m not going to judge them. It helps me learn more about myself too!

So, in trying to learn more about my boyfriend, I actually learned a lot about myself. Don’t get me wrong, the book has given me a lot more of an insight into what he does (I had NO idea!) and how his mind works. My basic conclusion is that he’s extremely smart and I admire him greatly. Sounds cheesy, but seriously, he’s brilliant. He gets to create everyday and I think that’s awesome. Plus, he’s just amazingly talented in what he does. It’s fun to watch him work. This sounds cheesy, but I’m proud of him. 🙂

Now I need to find him a book to read to understand me better….. 🙂

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A Difference

I want to help people. I want a job that will let me do that. I don’t want to sit behind a desk all day and answer phones and really never go beyond that. The circumstances life has me in right now, have forced me to examine what I really want to do. Going back to school is definitely something I am going to be doing but that leads me to the dilemma….what do I want to do. I thought about the Paralegal route, but I’m not sure now….it’s sitting behind a desk, but at least I would be doing something worthwhile and wouldn’t have to route calls for a living. I’ve always wanted to be a Kindergarten teacher (I would be awesome!) but it will take me awhile to accomplish that, whereas I can get a paralegal degree in two years (probably more like one, since I already have a year of college out of the way). My PASSION, of course, is writing but how do I turn that into a career? It doesn’t seem guaranteed, so it doesn’t seem like the smart way to go. I really want to do something I love though. So I feel like I have some decisions to make.

This is nothing new. I mean, who DOESN’T want to make a difference in this life? Everyone has that desire to do something important. Well MOST people anyway….I guess I can’t say that everyone wants that. I will find what that is for me…whether it’s teaching little kids, writing a book, or raising amazing kids of my own. I WILL make a difference in the world-whatever it is I decide to do. 🙂

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